Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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