Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
