how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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