We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
