I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
