remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
