I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
