i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
