better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
