Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
