So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
