You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
