I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
