Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just cropdusted the office
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
