Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
