I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26