If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I licked your asshole in confidence.