I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve