good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
