____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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