so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
