I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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