I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
