It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
