Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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