you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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