Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
