i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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