so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
