dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I need a burrito and a hug.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
