We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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