Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
