sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
