tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
