period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
