I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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