I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
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you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
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What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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