dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
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it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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