I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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