Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
