Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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