you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
