Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize