She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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