I bet he comes in French.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
