I feel great
I just peed on a car
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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