Already got asked if we're dating
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
