I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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