Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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