walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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