She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
