i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
These tits shall not be calmed
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.