I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.