I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
