Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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