I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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