I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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