An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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