Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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