went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Send help, water and tortillas.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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