Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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