We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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