If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
