I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
