Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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